After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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