I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
