Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
