so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Damn victory sex feels great
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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