What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
