It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She bit a glass in half.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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