my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
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I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
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I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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