walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You made out with two different species that night
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
