Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
