I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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