You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
