woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
