Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
