i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
he just fucked me for my cheese.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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