Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
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Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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