You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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