I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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