"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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