why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You smell like stripper and shame
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
