chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
