I think my fart just growled at me.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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