the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
