Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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