I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
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Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize