Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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