I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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