whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
