im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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