You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
