I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I've blown a few things in my day
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?