11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT