I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.