just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
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Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
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And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.