Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult