with your own penis?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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