I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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