shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
