we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I won't apologize to a one balled man
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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