She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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