The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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