everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
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His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
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I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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