I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
