i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
