dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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