Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
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still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
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For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
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