I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
