ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
How does it feel to date your dad?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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