Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
