the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
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So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
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Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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