saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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