Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
