Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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