I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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