dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
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The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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