I hate your face
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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