What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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