I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
