OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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