Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
