Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
