On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
