She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
