drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
