I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
