True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
