Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
