i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
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took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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