you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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