I am spending my child support on dildos
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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