1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
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